The Captain's Log
by Colleentj
Summary: "Captain's Log. 6th August. 5:00 AM. Can't sleep. Memories beyond painful. Whisky stock depleting at an alarming rate." In the months following Phantom Hourglass, Linebeck records his thought processes in a captain's log. Warnings: Angst, alcohol, and... well, Linebeck. One-shot. (Happy [moody?] birthday fic for Icearrows1200!)


**[Deep breath] HAAAAPPYYYYYY BIRTHDAYYYYY TO ICEARROWS1200! You are a fantastic friend, a crazy intelligent kid, a gifted writer, awesomely hilarious, you share my passion for LoZ and the BBC, and the truth is that I lack the words to describe how phenomenally wonderful you are. I hope your birthday was absolutely magnificent- sorry this fic's so late, I've been busy all day, but I'm here to tell you that I wish I could write you 1000 fics and get you an actual birthday present but unfortunately I cannot, so please take this measly fic as tribute to you and your friendship, and also please accept these 500 virtual hugs.**

**-C**

_Captain's Log_

_1st August_

_ 4:00 PM_

_ S.S. Linebeck _anchored just offshore of Windfall Island main port; arrival time roughly 2:00 PM; anticipated departure time 12:00 midnight 2nd August; new cargo acquired and stored below deck: four crates milk, two crates rum, two crates whisky.

_Captain's Log_

_2nd August_

_12:00 noon_

First part fine weather, moderate westerly gales and clear skies; 8:00 AM passed Dragon Roost, traded 8 gallons milk for 1 crate gunpowder; set sail 9:30 AM; latter part cloudy, strong northwesterly gales; anchored at Windfall 11:30 noon with gunpowder stored below deck starboard side

_Captain's Log_

_2nd August_

_9:00 PM_

Stray fairy noted on board 8:45 PM, promptly removed, magic stored in bottle below deck starboard side on shelf; gales too strong to make progress; ship still anchored but rocking incessantly

_Captain's Log_

_2nd August_

_10:30 PM_

Storm raging outside, northwesterly gales estimated at over 60 mph, waves beating against boat. On an unrelated note: rum stock depleted several pints

_Captain's Log_

_3rd August_

_1:00 AM_

Correct the above statement to _several gallons_

_Captain's Log_

_3rd August_

_9:30 AM_

The diagnosis: Grossly hungover; wallet devoid of rupees; in addition, _S.S. Linebeck _anchored illegally; authorities somehow conjured rupees from an otherwise empty wallet

_Captain's Log_

_3rd August_

_10:00 AM_

Authorities have a sense of humor; offered to void other potential fines in return for one gallon whisky. Take note: I refused viciously

_Captain's Log_

_ 4th August_

_ 8:00 AM_

First part fine weather, light northerly gales. _S.S. Linebeck _made narrow escape from authorities; status has officially declined to _pirate_. On a side note: memories particularly bad today.

_Captain's Log_

_ 4th August_

_ 12:00 noon_

Memories _remarkably _bad today.

_Captain's Log_

_ 4th August_

_ 3:00 PM_

Rum stock depleted one gallon. Memories not as bad anymore.

_Captain's Log_

_ 4th August_

_ 9:00 PM_

Rum stock depleted two gallons. Memories virtually nonexistent.

_Captain's Log_

_ 4th August_

_ 11:30 PM_

Clear skies; stars in clear sky; stars hateful- bringing back memories of Ciela, previously believed to have been drowned by rum

_Captain's Log_

_ 5th August_

_ 6:30 AM_

Sun rising gradually in east, light northerly gales; eastern light richly gold in color; constantly thinking absently that the source of light is Ciela when in reality it is merely the sun

_Captain's Log_

_ 5th August_

_ 6:35 AM_

Bear in mind that _Ciela _is not merely _Ciela _but also _Sparkles_

_Captain's Log_

_ 5th August_

_ 6:40 AM_

Experiencing a wretched hatred for Sparkles at the moment; additionally, light northerly gales strengthening, encouraging southward travel despite sources claiming _S.S. Linebeck _is in fact a steam powered vessel

_Captain's Log_

_ 5th August_

_ 7:00 AM_

Sun fully in sky; not being mistaken for dumb fairy anymore. _Good_.

_Captain's Log_

_ 5th August_

_ 6:00 PM_

Memories particularly bad again. All memories of Sparkles. Damn fairy.

_Captain's Log_

_ 5th August_

_ 9:00 PM_

Rum stock now half depleted. Memories still particularly bad. Will be requiring more rum sooner than later.

_Captain's Log_

_ 5th August_

_ 9:10 PM_

Disregard previous statement- recently remembered existence of a whisky stock; memories nonexistent once more

_Captain's Log_

_ 6th August_

_ 5:00 AM_

Can't sleep. Memories beyond painful. Whisky stock depleting at alarming rate.

_Captain's Log_

_ 6th August_

_ 5:30 AM_

_ S.S. Linebeck _anchored off of small, uncharted island.

_Captain's Log_

_ 6th August_

_ 5:35 AM_

Throbbing headache. Have vomited twice. Light sheen of sweat coating skin. Two options available:

Stop drinking

Stop remembering

Unfortunately, aforementioned actions will only be effective if performed backwards. Performed forwards, they are mutually exclusive. Damn logic

_Captain's Log_

_6th August_

_12:00 noon_

Whisky crate sprang a leak and stock depleted. Wish it had been the ship, instead.

_Captain's Log_

_6th August_

_7:00 PM_

Memories remarkably painful tonight. Keep seeing Ciela/Sparkles in mind's eye. Damn fairy. Hate her.

_Captain's Log_

_6th August_

_7:01 PM_

Hope she knows that, wherever she is.

_Captain's Log_

_9th September_

_1:00 PM_

Been in the hospital for a whole damn month. Don't want to talk about it. Finally back aboard _S.S. Linebeck_. Northeasterly gales; course set for Outset Island

_Captain's Log_

_9th September_

_4:00 PM_

Went slightly off-course and landed accidentally on small, uncharted island; dropped anchor. The flowers were nice. Stayed docked for several hours. At departure, gales coming from northeast. Didn't care. Went northeast anyway.

_Captain's Log_

_9th September_

_11:00 PM_

Those damn doctors cleaned out the rum stock during stay in the hospital. Dumped it overboard. Now I'm sober and thinking hard, hard, _so _hard about Ciela. Sparkles. That good-for-nothing, pretend-to-love-you, ditch-you-when-you-need her fairy. I hate her- hate her- _damn_, I hate that fairy. I hate what she did to me. And I won't forgive her for

_Captain's Log_

_9th September_

_11:45 PM_

Passed out writing. Now I can't remember how I was going to end that sentence.

_Captain's Log_

_10th September_

_11:00 AM_

Northeasterly gales. Course re-set for Outset Island

_Captain's Log_

_10th September_

_3:00 PM_

Anchor dropped upon arrival at Outset. I had not docked at this island before. It was Link who greeted me at the shores, and I was shocked- had no idea he lived here. This island was an accident- but not, I think, a coincidence.

But Link's not the kid I remember. Old, tired eyes. Kid's fifteen, now. Growing a mustache. All lean, wouldn't eat. The sister said he was sick and needed medicine.

I asked her, then, didn't we all?

_Captain's Log_

_11th September _

_5:00 PM_

Kid's getting worse. _S.S. Linebeck_ docked. Haven't touched it. Hope it doesn't sink inexplicably. I've just cleared a spot for more rum… once I get it.

_Captain's Log_

_12th September_

_8:00 AM_

Told the kid I'd been in the hospital. He asked me why. Looked so pale I felt bad for him.

"Drank too much." Figured it was best to be honest. But his face fell. He looked so betrayed.

"You promised you wouldn't."

Then he fell asleep.

_Captain's Log_

_12th September_

_9:30 AM_

Kid's sister asked what I'm doing here. Young thing. Thirteen, maybe. Wild blond hair. I asked her the same thing.

"I live here," she answered defensively.

"What about Link? Thought he was sailing the seven seas with that Tetra woman."

"No. He's been sick for months."

Didn't expect that response from her.

"_Months_?!"

"Aye. Where've you been?"

Didn't have an answer for her.

Where _have _I been?

_Captain's Log_

_12th September_

_4:00 PM_

(Pictured above: Fairy Grass diagram)

A.k.a. regular grass growing outside Fairy Fountain in woods; has some "fairy residue" on it. Kid's grandmother made me get some. Said it would help heal Link, but he's no better than before she sprinkled it onto her "special soup." Kid's still sick. Been throwing up into a bucket all morning.

Seeing those fairies didn't help. I'm thinking about Ciela again. Remembering her and her voice and the names she used to call me. The way she made me _feel- _damn! I need rum. I wonder if the kid's grandma has got any.

_Captain's Log_

_12th September_

_4:10 PM_

Update: she hasn't got any rum, but I've got a red welt on my face from where she slapped me. I'm not allowed in the pantries anymore. "Sailor man," she called me.

_Captain's Log_

_12th September_

_11:00 PM_

The grandma asked me why I needed the rum. Then she dragged me out into the cold air.

"I'm trying to forget," I answered her.

"Forget what?"

I didn't answer. She was quiet. Staring out at sea.

"So's Link," she finally answered quietly. "He has nightmares."

"Me, too."

"Maybe you should remember together."

But I don't want to. I can't, I can't. Because remembering hurts, and even if forgetting is the hardest thing in the world, it's still less painful.

_Captain's Log_

_13th September_

_3:00 AM_

It's dark as hell outside and Link's been retching into a bucket for an hour. I dragged him outside into the air. Put a hand to his forehead and the hair there was all matted down and sweaty. Dragged him across the deck; he collapsed against the railing. His breathing was all labored and he started to cry.

"Why'd you come here, Linebeck?" he finally asked. His whole body was slack. "Seriously. Why?"

"I don't know." My answer was honest.

"Did you know I was sick?"

"No."

"So she didn't tell you."

"Who?"

He looked at me, eyes rimmed with swollen pink skin. "_Tetra_. She dropped me here like a sack of potatoes and moved on when I'd fallen ill. Said it was sea-sickness. Home-sickness. Said I was having bad dreams because I needed a break. So she dropped me off and promised that if she saw you, she'd let you know I was here. When you showed up, I thought for sure you'd seen her."

"I haven't seen her," I answered honestly. The kid was still panting for breath.

"Well, I was hoping you might've seen her. Linebeck, I think I love her. I hope she comes back soon. I hope I don't die before I can see her again."

"You're not going to die," I answered quickly. Something was sinking in my stomach.

"I know that."

"It's just a fever," I pressed, not sure who I was trying to convince.

"_Yes_, I _know _that," the kid answered. He was gripping the rungs of the railing, knuckles white, lips quivering, body trembling. "It's just… it wasn't fair, the way she dumped me here, yet I don't care. I miss her- love her an awful lot, Linebeck. I've never loved a girl before. Have _you?_"

"You're asking the wrong guy, kid-"

"-But you _have_, haven't you?" he continued, his huge eyes gaping at me. "You _have _loved someone before- I know you have-"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" His breathing was labored. "Don't hide it. You don't have to hide it. It's okay that you loved her."

"I don't love her- never loved her-"

"You loved her from the moment you met her, though-"

"Liar!"

"I am _not_!" Link countered, and his entire body slackened. "I am _not _a liar," he repeated, this time in no more than a whisper. "I'm telling the truth. You know it's the truth. You loved Ciela. You _loved _that little fairy."

"Stop it- stop, please!" I begged. At this point, my heart was aching. I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. "I _hate _her- hate her with everything I've got, and I hope she knows that! I hope she knows what she did to me- damn it, kid, she abandoned me! Barely said goodbye! Made me think she loved me, made me think I _something, _and then what do you know, she went and pledged herself to some- some _ocean _god-" I was running out of breath, tears stinging in my eyes. Link was staring at me like I was a total madman. "I should never have come here-" I realized.

"I'm glad you came here, even if it was a coincidence," Link interrupted.

"It wasn't a coincidence," I argued. "Just a funny accident."

I could hear him go quiet for a minute. "What, then? You think someone sent you here? The gods or someone?"

"Maybe," I answered, leaning back against the railing. Link was gazing up at the sky, and I followed his lead. The stars were scattered across the deep black canopy like fairy dust, and I felt a _pang _in my chest much like usual. They reminded me painfully of Ciela. They always do.

"You're thinking of her," Link accused.

"Of course I am," I answered. "You forced me to."

"Not just now. I mean that you're _always _thinking of her."

I turned to glare at the kid, but stopped halfway. There was nothing to glare at. He was drifting back to sleep, his sore arms wound loosely around his abandoned sick bucket.

Truth is, he was right. But you know that, old log, because I tell you that all the time. Maybe not like this.

I think I've gotten a bit too personal with this log. Next time, I'll go back to reporting on gales and weather and how much rum I keep below the deck. But it's been nice to get my thoughts out. I've been drowning them in rum for a bit too long.

I dragged the kid back inside about ten minutes ago. He seems a bit better than before. He's sleeping, at least. I'm next to him. Sitting at his bedside, actually. And the little girl's peering at me from her bunk, though I suppose she's not all that little.

She's just asked me whether I love Link like he's my son. The answer is _yes_. I think I'll tell her that.

_Captain's Log_

_13th September_

_5:00 PM_

Kid's ailment is lifting. Temperature has dropped several degrees. We remembered more of our journey together. It's getting easier.

_Captain's Log_

_14th September_

_9:00 PM_

Memories remarkably painful tonight. A lot less painful when Link's remembering them with me, though. Keep seeing Ciela/Sparkles in the stars. Damn fairy. Love her. Miss her

_Captain's Log_

_14th September_

_9:01 PM_

Hope she knows that, wherever she is.

**To everyone else BESIDES IA1200: Thank you so very kindly for reading this fic. I might actually re-write something based off of it in the future (since this one was obviously quite rushed), so if you have any commentary or ideas that would help my writing, please take the opportunity to let me know! AND THEN GO WISH ICEARROWS1200 A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Do it. Nowwwww.**


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